Monday, October 4, 2010

sleeping problems

I have been battling sleeping problems for the past several weeks. Sometimes I dont go to bed until 4:30 in the morning. Then about 3 hours later, I have to get up, eat, and head to school. I buy a coffee in the cafeteria to get me through, but that lasts for only a little while. By the time I get to art class, I am so tired I cant concentrate. I come home and the only thing I wanna do is drop to bed until Diego comes home from school, or when Spencer comes home from work on his work days. One night it got so bad that my mom had to take me to the emergency room. I hadnt slept for 3 nites in a row. Believe me, I'm not trying to go for the world's record here. And what do I get outta this, sleeping pills that make me drowsy the next day. All this not being able to sleep is just driving me to the state of insanity. Sometimes I feel like I just wanna crash through the wall, literally. I cant take it anymore. Mind you, I have one coffee that I buy at school, thats the only thing with caffene I have all day, oh yeah, and a couple of sodas. But sodas dont make you stay awake. I try hot chocolate milk, but it only works sometimes.
I think Derrick and I have split up, so I wont be hearing from him much anymore except to maybe in responses to my wall posts and a poke every now and then. He wants somebody that will share EVERYTHING with him including pictures of themselves, and my mom will not allow me to post photos on FB. I'm too secretive for him and he's upset about it. So for the best of us, its probably the far better thing to do. For the past few months, he has been sending me mails everyday as much as 5 or 6 of them. I enjoyed that. But everytime he brought up the subject of my sending him a picture, I dont respond to the request or I quickly change the subject. And I think it got to the point where he's given up, and now he wants to find someone else who will trust him better. I'll miss his mails and I am sad over the whole thing, but I cant help it if my mom gives me rules of using the computer.
The only reason I got FB in the first place is to display my artwork to the public. Other than that, my mom would never let us use these social networking sites. She's very concerned about our safety, but I think she's too overprotective. I guess she would have to be because I'm the only girl in the family. My stepfather's the same way too. He once chased a boy down the block just because he had his arms around me. I liked it when he had his arms around me and we were about to kiss, but my stepfather went crazy and chased him out of the apartment complex and down the road about a few blocks. We were both mad at each other and I threatened to run away from home. That was when I was in high school. I'm an adult now and my mom still lays the law in this house. Nobody can grow up here.

2 comments:

  1. Your ma is only looking out for you. I'm sorry about how Derrick feels, but he should respect your privacy, and your right to such. A person who wants to be real friends should not care what the other person looks like. And if a friend online just cannot post pics, well he has to accept that. If he's your real friend, he would.

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  2. You know what, Derrick wrote to me yesterday saying that he only wanted to split up just to test my charactor. He was hoping I would get mad and throw insults at him, but I didnt. Derrick liked it that I didnt get mad. Were back together again, but by now he should know I'm not gonna post a photo of me. It was all a test. I thought it sounded real.

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